i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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