Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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