Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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