"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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