I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
