So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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