Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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