I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
