his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
