Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
