what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to make out with him forever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
