"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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