he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
