FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
