I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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