I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize