I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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