my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
