I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
