Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am naked and annoyed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
