I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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