I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We are two peas in an std pod
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
