do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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