I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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