Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
