he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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