Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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