Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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