so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
