Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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