1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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