I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
