Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
