very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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