It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
