I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
