just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
