Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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