I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
