What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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