There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
