You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
