i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize