They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
