i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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