I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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