I hate all girls vehemently.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
