if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
