We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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