just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
