pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
