Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
