I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
