we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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