haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
