my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my poor anus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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