I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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