Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
