I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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