Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
