Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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