Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
