After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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