Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
