Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
