Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
