so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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