i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
