I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
