ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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