i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize