your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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