nut hugger
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
